"I always knew something was wrong. I didn't start my period until graduation day and after that it was really irregular so I assumed getting pregnant (when the time came), would be difficult. I just didn't realize how difficult infertility was emotionally. After about 8 months of trying naturally we started clomid. A drug that is supposed to help women ovulate. Every month I would go in for a blood test and it would be negative for ovulation. I was so frustrated. While it seemed everyone around me was getting pregnant or had several children, I was stuck trying to regulate and get my body to even ovulate. Whenever people would ask me if I wanted kids I would start crying because of the horrible insecurity I had from not being able to do my job as a woman and wife to my husband. I told myself that was my whole purpose in life and I was failing at it and although it had nothing to do with anything I had control over, it still blanketed me with feeling not good enough.
I can honestly say it was one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through. The emotional rollercoaster of hormones, conquering my fear of needles giving myself a total of 143 shots by the end and the huge financial burden it was for us was all somehow worth it. Motherhood has been a challenge for me from getting pregnant to taking care of my special needs daughter who never sleeps but somehow the sacrifice has made everything ok. Would I do it again, a thousand times yes! Thankfully I have had the most patient loving husband through my crazy spells and floods of tears and rage and we are exactly where we dreamed we would be with our second on the way. I have had to learn that my plan for myself wasn't God's plan for me. Instead of being married at 20 and having 5 kids, I got married at 27 and might only have 2 kids and that is ok with us now. Changing our expectations of ourselves and our family plans to become more flexible has made us a stronger couple and better parents. The blessing of children truly is a blessing each time we get to bring one into our family and we will forever be grateful that we have been given these two babies."